After a divorce, children and parents often have a different relationship.
Divorced fathers: favor contact
Do not live like a distant father. After a divorce, many fathers only spend one weekend out of two and half of the holidays with their children. This rhythm is sometimes extended to an additional mid-week visit, but this is still very rarely possible.
This situation of repeated break-ups is difficult to live with, daily life is no longer part of the continuity and many fathers wonder if they will still be able to assume their responsibility as a father by seeing so little of their children.
Even if the amount of hours spent with your children decreases, do not live as a part-time father and be sure that the quality of the relationship will partially compensate for your absence daily.
Completely claim your place as father
Just because you are less physically present does not mean that the place you occupy in the hearts and lives of your children decreases.
They need your love, your support, to know that you are thinking of them, that you are there for them, whatever happens. Let them know they can call you when they want, that you will come whenever they need you.
Just call them to tell them you love them, send them postcards when you go on weekends or holidays. It doesn’t matter if they don’t know how to read yet, the important thing is that they see that you think about them, even from a distance, and that the bond that unites you is very strong.
Tell him the child you were
Tell them about their roots, their grandparents, great-grandparents, uncles, aunts, etc. Visit them together, keep them in touch with your whole family. Tell them about the little boy you were, the nonsense you made, the great memories of where you grew up, the area where your family comes from. Children love all these anecdotes and all these stories are landmarks that help them grow, to locate themselves in their genealogy.
Share your passions with your child
It’s not difficult to be a good father, it’s enough to be happy to share what you love with them. Useless to want to prepare a concrete program, do not feel obliged to chain activities on activities, do not try to offer them sensational outings, the important thing for them is to spend time in your company.
Live in the here and now with your children, just enjoy their presence. Hanging out in pajamas around a mega breakfast, talking about everything and nothing, playing together, watching the same DVD, all these privileged moments allow us to maintain a real bond.
Tell your child that you love him
Often times you realize the value of things after you’ve lost them. A separation can serve as an indicator and many men realize at this point how much children contribute to their development. Do not hesitate to repeat to your children that despite the separation, despite the trials, they make you happy!
Know how to impose your paternal authority
When you spend a limited time with your children, you want everything to be fine, nothing to spoil the shared hours.
This is why it is so difficult to exercise authority, to get angry when limits are crossed, to punish, to punish, to set limits and to enforce them. Today’s fathers have understood the importance of building tender emotional relationships with their children, they are no longer afraid to say that they need the love of their little ones.
However, they should not give up exercising their authority. Rest assured, your child will not love you less if you scold him when necessary, on the contrary, the fact that you are a structuring father will reassure him. And you’ll avoid hearing her mom blame you for having the fine role of being a weekend daddy cake, when she ends up with the thankless role of the parent who takes care of everyday education.
Do not speak negatively about their mother
If you separated from their mother, it’s because you didn’t get along.
The children are not fooled and know very well that there have been conflicts. A separation is always painful, for the two members of the couple.
It is necessary to mourn the initial family, to cash in the breakup, to reorganize your life each on your side while keeping a link with your ex because it is essential for the balance of children. Even if you are hurt, even if you are very angry, respect your ex-wife as the mother of your children.
Do not denigrate her in front of them, do not try to find out how it goes with her, do not ask questions about her private life, do not take them to task, do not discuss the conflicts that have opposed you. Stay neutral.
Consult on major decisions concerning your child
Only get in touch with their mother to talk about your children’s education, important decisions about their education, their future, the values you want to instill in them. The more you are on good terms with their mother, the easier it will be to establish and maintain good contact with your children.
Try to establish a fair and balanced relationship. If you prove to her over the months that you are a concerned and attentive father, she will recognize your qualities.
Invest in your child’s daily life
Whether they’re in the nursery, at a nanny’s or in kindergarten, don’t stay out of the loop. Be present the day they enter the nursery or kindergarten, attend their Christmas party. Meet their childminder. Ask to speak with their teacher to find out what is going on in their everyday life. Go get them from time to time at the nursery or school, talk to their friends’ moms.
Invite friends to your house when it’s your weekend. If you need to take them to the pediatrician, offer your services, follow their development on the health book. Keep up to date with their activities, in short, even if you are not there every day, show that everything they are going through interests you …
Be a dad available for your child
You no longer live together full time, so when you find them, give them time and attention. Listen, open to dialogue, but never intrusive. Let them tell you about the important events of days gone by without you. Prepare meals together, you’re going to have to put yourself in the kitchen, you’ll see, it’s very nice. Above all, don’t overdo it by covering them with gifts when they’re with you.
Do not overwhelm them with phone calls, schedule fixed telephone meetings once or twice a week. However, tell them they can call you as many times as they want. Nothing, and no one replaces a father!